Stop the self-abuse, silence the critic!

We all have that little voice in our heads.  You know the one – that inner critic that nags at you and worries away at your confidence and happiness, that pipes up with sneering remarks after a silly blunder or before a big step in life.  Don’t you just HATE that inner voice?  When we let that inner critic influence our decisions or our daily life, that’s called self-sabotage. Self-sabotaging in a nutshell is simply acting against your own best interest.  It’s that little critical voice in the back of your head that tells you that you aren’t smart enough, funny enough, pretty enough, lacking in SOME way. 

We all self-sabotage in one way or another; whether its in some small way, such as thinking you’re not good enough to ask for a promotion or in a bigger way such as picking an argument with your significant other for no reason when everything is going “too well”. The good news is, you don’t have to listen to your inner critic.  You can change your thought patterns, and thus your self-sabotaging behavior.  As Roderick Thorpe, the American novelist, puts it: “We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.”

The first step to becoming your own best friend – confront the inner critic.  Okay, I know this is the scary part but to overcome it, you have to face it!  Imagine yourself as a knight armored to face a fire breathing dragon if that helps, or imagine the inner critic as a grumpy Muppet (that’s what I do J ).  Listen to all of those terrible untrue things the inner critic is telling you.  Write them down.  All of them. Read them again.  Maybe twice, if necessary.  This could be as little as a ten minute process for you or you might consider taking a few days – carry a notebook with you and write down every negative thought that comes to mind. 

NOW KILL THE INNER CRITIC!  Slay the dragon!  Burn the paper where you wrote down the negative thoughts!  Flush it down the toilet! Bury it! Maybe just throwing it away will suffice, but acknowledge that the inner critic is wrong, that you are good and worthy, and then make up your mind to never let the inner critic triumph again!

Which leads us to the second step (hey, this should be fairly easy after you just slay a dragon, right?!), relearning how to think about yourself.  Cognitive therapists recommend keeping a negative thought journal where you track the thought and then refute it with evidence as to why it’s not true and why you won’t listen to it.  For example: “I think I look fat in this dress BUT my husband thinks it looks great on me and I received several compliments while wearing it so that must not be true”.

 A negative thoughts journal may not be the right choice for you, just keep in mind with whatever method you choose that the point is to confront the inner critic and nip it in the bud before it leads to self-sabotage. Relearning how to think about yourself is as simple as recognizing the fallacy of your negative thoughts. 

Never forget: YOU ARE AWESOME, AMAZING, AND WONDERFUL.